Day 6: And It Finally Came...

Another day of reflection and not finishing my previous story... but I'll finish it tomorrow... 

What can I said, today, my B-day was one of those days you wanted it to finish as soon as it started, and it had nothing to do with becoming a year older! Time booms exploded, old resentments were explained and hopefully understood. I was forced to realize how much every life event have two sides of the story, no matter how much we want our side to be the right one. Men and women are just by nature fully and total opposites, and I don’t know who had the great sense of humor of matching us together. Timing is everything. Men sometimes do things that women find impossible to understand, and they do it like is nothing wrong with it. While we in the other side have our mouth open, about to pass out of anger, or in simple and pure disbelief. Why women have to just follow men’s need? Why do we have to wait for them to be available to us? Why do we have to ask them permission to hear our voice, or our true feelings? Why after they ask us for the truth they have such a hard time taking it? Sorry guys, I’m just a girl; I will let someone of your own breed to bitch about mine.

Why is so hard for all of us to just say what we feel? Why is so hard for the other side to really listen to what is been said? Why mothers and daughters have to always fight for independence, from others and from each other? Why it is so much miss communication in this world? I’m sure that at least 70% of all problems come from someone saying something that was later missed interpreted by someone else. Yet, sometimes is even the person itself who does not understand its true feelings, desires and needs. It is always easier to blame the other, taking responsibility is just too painful.

If this year is going to bring me a gift, I hope is the gift of acceptance and true listening. Acceptance of myself, my mistakes, my past doings, my brilliance and my darkness. Listening of my own inner self, needs, feeling and desires. We all have an internal voice; we just chose not to listen. Come on, how many times your inner voice has told you, “this is the wrong choice” “what are you doing,” “no, don’t do that, do this instead” “stop, stop, stoooooop!” and WE have chosen not to listen? To really accept, listen and finally love others, you have to become your biggest fan first, and truly find the beauty you have to share. Until then we’ll just keep making stories of what we thought it happened, with no real clue of what the truth was, yet creating one that could better fit our purposes. We wont love anyone for who they are, but for their potential to be what we want them to become. It is said by all the enlighten ones that expectations and desires are really the root of all our unhappiness… But how we, normal mortals, are supposed to live without motivating our simple minds with expectation of life and future, as well as to nourishing the desire to make those expectations a reality? Being Buddha seems harder and harder the more you try. So first I want to find what my desires and expectation really are, to then be able to detach from it, because how can I detach from something I can’t recognize?

If this day is any example of what the year may bring, it will be a year of profound reflection and secluded personal growth; time off from the world of many, to submerge in the world of one. And with so many doors closing, many are promising to shine new light.

All you people that sent wishes of better days and dreams come true, and all the ones who called from all corners of the world, I thank you, because you and your love was by far the best part of my day! And beloved “Hank Rearden,” if you read this thanks for being on the line and clearing the way.